tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6933960584431237992024-03-13T14:23:37.882+00:00dear the interwebs,the blog of thom tuck.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-4602494344091569752013-01-16T11:05:00.001+00:002013-01-16T11:05:42.878+00:00GIG(GLE)S.hello!<br /><br />thought i should update this. will just stick my gigs up for now... sorry there aren't many of them. i'm mainly writing my radio show at the moment.<br /><br /><b>january 19th - wilton's music hall</b><br />
fabulous venue, and it's free!<br />
<a href="http://wiltons.org.uk/event.php?p=519">http://wiltons.org.uk/event.php?p=519</a><br />
<br />
<b>january 22nd - de luxe comedy</b><br />
hosting chortle's new gig at the luxe.<br />
<a href="http://www.wegottickets.com/event/201504">http://www.wegottickets.com/event/201504</a><br />
<br />
<b>february 4th - voices in your head</b><br />
mental, dark and hilarious improv.<br />
<a href="http://www.sohotheatre.com/whats-on/voices-in-your-head/">http://www.sohotheatre.com/whats-on/voices-in-your-head/</a><br />
<br />
<b>february 11th - #acms</b><br />
no explanation. it will sell out.<br />
<a href="http://noblefailure.org/">http://noblefailure.org/</a><br />
<br />
<b>february 19th onwards! - coalition</b><br />
the london run of coalition. it's gonna be super.<br />
<a href="http://www.pleasance.co.uk/islington/events/coalition--2">http://www.pleasance.co.uk/islington/events/coalition--2</a>dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-52546316145206357702012-06-03T17:04:00.001+01:002012-06-03T17:04:15.138+01:00edinburgh twenty twelve.well. hello.<br />
<br />
i should probably tell you what i am doing in edinburgh this year. i am doing three shows. which is too much, but they are all going to be an amazing amount of fun.<br />
<br />
they are:<br /><br />
<b>Coalition</b><br />
<i>Pleasance Dome, 14.00</i><br />
A play about the imagined demise of the Con-Dem Coalition government. I play the leader of the Liberal Democrats in a stunning cast including Phill Jupitus, Simon Evans, Jo Caulfield & Alistair Barrie.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/theatre/coalition">tickets.</a><br />
<br />
<b>Thom Tuck Flips Out</b><br />
<i>Pleasance Dome, 20.10</i><br />
My new stand-up show about masculinity, personhood and gymnastics.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/thom-tuck-flips-out">tickets.</a><br />
<br />
<b>Thom Tuck Goes Straight-to-DVD</b><br />
<i>Cabaret Voltaire, 10.05</i><br />
My award-losing show from last year, now for free! Expect some messing around and possibly a special guest.<br />
<br />
free, so turn up early.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-68424492024020116772012-01-04T13:13:00.001+00:002012-01-04T13:13:15.275+00:00and, apparently......i was in the sun last week. as something or other for 2012. anyone have a copy?dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-7642379033123481962012-01-04T13:11:00.001+00:002012-01-04T13:11:39.260+00:00the imminent deathtoday is a wednesday. the first wednesday of 2012: the year that may (mayan not) be that of our destruction. one thing is for certain, the <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/search/%23ACMS">#acms</a> is dead. long live the #acms. the next show will be our last at the New Red Lion, which is the only home the venue has ever known. come one, come all, to watch its death throes.<br /><br />we will poke around in its entrails and throw them on the fire. it will rise again. how, and when, are questions we do not yet know the answers to. there is an ongoing (and vitriolic) email between the board members on the future of our precious baby. will baby go to college? should we have set some money aside in case it never amounts to anything and wants to move back in? will it take care of us in our old age? not necessarily financially, but wiping up our ancient comedy drool. we all know this metaphor has gone on too far. but never quitting in the face of a certain ending is what the #acms is all about. it's in its DNA, that we gave to it, because it is our baby.<br /><br />in other news, i am doing ten minutes with <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/matthewcrosby">matthew crosby</a> next week (<i>details right</i>) to celebrate him allowing me to. it is going to be new material. well, newish. well, there will be some new bits. i think. i am going to sit down with a massive piece of paper now. it will definitely be about dick-swinging, economics and not being a fightyman.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-64761589597692768162011-09-26T10:58:00.000+01:002011-09-26T10:58:14.816+01:00play in musicwell. it has been an inordinately long time since i have posted. sorry.<br />
<br />
during august, every day i was performing my show at the edinburgh festival. it was the first time a show was 100% mine: writing, performing, directing. it was just me and my excellent producer lucy. funnily enough, though, one of the things i was most excited about was being in charge of the music before and after the show. it's an important decision, and one that isn't always given the requisite amount of thought. it sets the tone for the audience as they are coming in and sends them out into the world in a very specific mood. for all the penny dreadfuls' shows we have had the brilliant neil hobbs picking the tunes. and he always got it right.<br />
<br />but, this time, it was all up to me. how exciting. i am a phenomenal bore when it comes to music. i love it, and will never stop banging on about what i am currently listening to, be it <a href="http://open.spotify.com/user/turlygod/playlist/6iIlY8PtYBLHeEgrxzk8fr">hall and oates</a>, <a href="http://open.spotify.com/album/3Ur3CbXxpigUHLY0laZOIU">ethiopian jazz</a>, <a href="http://open.spotify.com/album/5wdCpyp1of35zA4yDmuOJK">ryan adams</a> or <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/3pFWzeIXPA1wAp7HXrDBqv">wynonie harris</a>. i am the kind of douche who will usurp the stereo at a party in seconds. i will probably play good music, but you'll resent the speed at which i have taken over.<br />
<br />
so, because my show was quite odd, i knew i had to pick songs that were a little unusual. they had to be songs that no-one else would use at the start of their show. so, the song i went for was this:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/vE3Iw4ZLtIM?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
it is from the prince movie <i>purple rain</i>. it is a phenomenal film for two reasons. one, the music. two, it's a semi-autobiographical film and prince has written himself as an total arsehole. it's hilarious. either he has an incredible amount of self-awareness or none.<br />
<br />
but the reason i chose this song is because of the breakdown which comes about two thirds in. it really needs the buildup in the song and is really helped if you can see the video. he really means it, that prince, doe'n't he? well, basically, that would always be the final song that played before i did my show. it's pretty intense. and i would be backstage doing all the prince moves as little warmup, trying not to sing too loudly. it's an appropriate way to set the tone for a weird show about love, i think.<br />
<br />
and the playout music was <a href="http://open.spotify.com/track/6hXuEhuqAl9UAPLZ9qtm6i">this</a>.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-51199528816458976422011-06-09T15:31:00.011+01:002011-06-09T15:49:10.602+01:00slä-pē sɛkəndsas a thursday rolls around and i realise that i have not updated my blog for a while i recall that thursdays are the days i talk about games. and then i had a wee flashback. a couple of weeks ago i was interviewed by the lovely <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/jayirichardson">jay richardson</a> for (scottish arts magazine) the list. he texted me to say that he was going to ring me slightly later than agreed because he was trying to get his head round "my insane card game post". oops.<br /><br />i think one is supposed to use a blog for flagrant self-promotion but, while there will be a degree of that, i don't really see the point in not actually writing about anything but oneself. there is, of course, an argument that all writing is about oneself. my counter to this is "cat sat on mat". that's definitely about a cat. (he's on a mat in a sitting position). but, regardless of its stupefying effect on comedy journos, i will plough on regardless!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;">so, today i will be discussing another poker variant wot i made up. i made it up years ago (probably seven) with a friend called <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/kerriahall">kerri</a>. it's called <span style="font-style: italic;">sloppy seconds</span> and it's monstrously silly. first of all you need to know how to play poker. if you don't, go away and come back after you are basically there. second, it is a five-card draw game. we all cool? ok... you look at your five cards and decide on which two cards (and only two) that you are going to pass to the left. then you reassess and swap two with the deck. twos are wild. can you see how mental this game is already? TWO mandatory swaps of TWO cards and TWO is wild. sloppy seconds.<br /></div><br />on new year's eve, i made everybody play a hand of this for a fiver. bruce took home £35. brilliant. stupid, yet brilliant.<br /><br />and on a shameless self-promotion front: <a href="http://bit.ly/kdBA0Z">my show</a> in edinburgh.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-66177266353136371662011-03-28T09:55:00.003+01:002011-04-15T12:59:41.882+01:00m to the you [sic]hullo the interwebs,<br /><br />just a quick one, really, as i need to be doing some writing for my solo show (<span style="font-style: italic;">thom tuck goes straight-to-dvd</span>). i've performed it a few times now (not enough, according to my agent). and it's gone well. it's still monster short, so i've got lots to do.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YZOIh-ao4MA/TagzAmTMTbI/AAAAAAAAAEs/jm9HbLeYqgQ/s1600/me%2Bas%2Bmermaid.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 133px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YZOIh-ao4MA/TagzAmTMTbI/AAAAAAAAAEs/jm9HbLeYqgQ/s200/me%2Bas%2Bmermaid.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595778622381903282" border="0" /></a><br />am experimenting with some structural changes!<br /><br />during the meanwhilst here are me gigs in the next wee while (april 2011):<br /><ul><li>the fifth : will be the third meeting of the <span style="font-style: italic;">alternative comedy memorial societ (or, the captain planet repertory theatre company)</span>. it's fun, and kevin eldon is on. tickets http://bit.ly/gUtLZ5.</li><li>the sixth : a bit (possibly a new bit) at the <span style="font-style: italic;">ransom club</span> at leicester square theatre.</li><li>the fifteenth : a gig in a bookshop (big green books in wood green).</li><li>the nineteenth (a) : tiernan's mighty <span style="font-style: italic;">fat tuesday</span>, and...</li><li>the nineteenth (b) : the fourth meeting of the above <span style="font-style: italic;">#ACMS</span>.</li><li>the twenty first : compering for robin and partridge at one of their crazy gigs, man.</li><li>the twenty second : <span style="font-style: italic;">colin hoult's new adventures</span> was a lovely gig last time. the theme this time is very exciting (i'm not sure if i'm allowed to say or not, but i'm writing something especially for it).</li><li>the thirtieth : my solo show. in wales! http://bit.ly/eLs9LV.</li></ul>ok. go away now.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-84873749644257956622011-02-24T12:26:00.006+00:002011-04-15T13:03:57.864+01:00/dəˈmɪniən/thor's day! games day!<br /><br />i'm very excited to blog this. i have played a new game. and it is excellent. you should get it. it is, almost inevitably, a <a href="http://www.riograndegames.com/">rio grande</a> game. a quick google reveals them to be an american company. and they specialise in importing german games. NB, the germans are far, far better at making board games than us. this, though is designed by the wonderfully monikered donald x. vaccarino, who is american. imagine! it won the big prize at the german game awards (that is a big thing) like the excellent <span style="font-style: italic;">carcassone</span> before it.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.gateplay.com/images/products/display/Dominion_Intrigue_board_game_d.png" align="centre"><br /><br />the name of the game is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_X._Vaccarino"><span style="font-style: italic;">dominion</span></a> and it is a deck-building game. i've never seen this sort of game engine before, and it reminded me in a way of my all-time favourite game - <span style="font-style: italic;">magic: the gathering </span>(previous blog <a href="http://deartheinterwebs.blogspot.com/2009/12/mdk.html">here</a>). yes, i am aware of how massive a dweeb i am. now, what this actually means is that you have a deck of cards each and there are all the rest of the cards in organised piles on the table. the card types are: money, victory and kingdom cards. you buy new victory and kingdom cards with the money cards (once a turn). you use kingdom cards to do stuff (once a turn). and you use victory cards to win (count up at the end). what is fun is that you keep adding to your deck and when it is done you shuffle and deal a new hand from the deck; it is recycled again and again as you add to it and you've got to keep the balance right between the types of cards in your deck.<br /><br />why is this good, then? well... the key lies in a concept called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Card_advantage">card advantage</a>, which is a concept in <span style="font-style: italic;">magic: the gathering</span> theory. (seriously, you have no idea how massive a loser i am). basically, the idea is that if you get to use more cards than the opposition then you will win (ceteris parabus). how does this work in <span style="font-style: italic;">dominion</span>? good question, team. what i've neglected to say so far is what "stuff" the kingdom cards let you do. with them you can throw a card out of your deck in exchange for a different one, or force an opponent to throw a card away, or steal one from them or (and here's the good bit) <span style="font-weight: bold;">draw more cards</span>. there is nothing as powerful as drawing more cards in these kind of games. in addition, some cards let you play an extra kingdom card on your turn. if you get to draw and play another card, you are laughing. if you manage to build up a string of manoeuvres (this program says that's a mis-spelt word; it can go fuck itself) where you draw card after card and do action after action you are giggling uncontrollably while the other players wait for their turn. well, i am.<br /><br />this is probably really badly explained. go buy the game.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-46529739076791649032011-02-16T12:02:00.006+00:002011-02-16T12:40:23.124+00:00the ACMS (or, the CPRTC){plug} warning {/p}<br /><br />dear interwebs. today is a wednesday. wednesday is about comedy. and i have been spending an inordinate amount of my time doing admin for a new comedy night what i am doing. it is going to be bonkers. the show itself has a long and off-putting name:<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">The Alternative Comedy Memorial Society</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">(or, The Captain Planet Repertory Theatre Company)</span><br /></blockquote></div>and this is deliberate. it's not going to be a straightforward evening's entertainment. we have gone through quite a few possible taglines for the show; we need something that really communicates that this isn't your usual comedy night. we did (well, i did) consider "fresh sisyphean comedy". but noone apart from me thinks that that is funny.<br /><br />when <a href="http://twitter.com/#%21/jlukeroberts">(john-) luke roberts</a> and i first decided to amalgamate the comedy nights we were both thinking of starting in order to halve the workload, it was way back in august. we had ideas a-plenty to shove into a night, comedian friends a-plenty to do the gig but, crucially, no venue. it has taken us over six months to find a venue that is interesting and, more importantly, interested in the gig. (when i was running tom:foolery in escape bar in soho, they couldn't give a fuck with wings). so, i'm delighted to announce our partnership with the <a href="http://bit.ly/gUtLZ5">new red lion theatre</a><a href="http://bit.ly/gUtLZ5"></a> in angel. it's a delightful space, well kitted out and pretty easy to get to.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">the venue, at least, will be accessible!</span><br /></blockquote></div>we've now started booked (read "herding") comedians for the shows up until may. we've got some exciting people lined up. and everyone who is coming is going to try out something risky or mental or noble or all three. we've also got some regular sections:<br /><ul><li>will andrews has a thing on his head</li><li>please welcome jesus christ</li><li>old joke new joke</li><li>captain planet interactive repertory theatre</li><li>the musical</li><li>the most hilarious taste in the world</li></ul>well. that's probably enough tantalising info for now. the first one is on march the eighth. get yer tickets now.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><blockquote><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">A failure! A noble failure!<br /></span></blockquote></div>dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-75085714467801077802011-02-15T02:13:00.006+00:002011-02-15T03:08:45.729+00:00a music thing.<div style="text-align: justify;">this is a thing i meant to do years ago. i think it's amusing. i may be wrong.<br />basically, it's meant to create a soundtrack to that biopic movie about your<br />life in which you're always supposed to know who to cast.<br /></div><ol style="text-align: justify;"><li>open your music library</li><li>put it on shuffle</li><li>press play</li><li>for every question, type the song that's playing</li><li>when you go to a new question, press the next button</li><li>don't lie and try to pretend you are cool...</li></ol>here are my results as a <a href="http://open.spotify.com/user/turlygod/playlist/6bQpwbjawpmOGsCYil7bUE">playlist</a> on spotify (just about, check below for notes).<br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">opening credits</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">oh, well </span>by professor longhair<br />one could do much worse. i can imagine an<br />eighties montage style start to a movie with<br />this tune. incidentally, professor longhair's<br />band is called the shuffling hungarians.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">waking up</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">what good am i?</span> by tom jones<br />amazing! a dylan cover from the welshman's<br />latest album that is all about self-loathing. this<br />is not going to be a happy movie. sample lyric:<br />"what good am i? / if i say foolish things / and<br />i laugh in the face / of what sorrow brings". i<br />think, perhaps, i'm waking up on a park bench.<br />that has actually happened.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">first day at school: </span><span style="font-style: italic;">hot thing</span> by prince<br />erm. a little bit filthy for my schooldays. perhaps<br />it is a flashback dream bit where i am cooler.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">falling in love</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">yer so bad</span> by tom petty<br />"oh, yer so bad / best i've ever had". a brilliant song.<br />i'll leave you to make your own conclusions. suffice it<br />to say that my show is sort of about heartbreak.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">fight song</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">just the way you are</span> by billy joel<br />beautiful song. is it really a fight song? i'm gonna have<br />to question the director's decision here. unless they've<br />done it all slo-mo and arty. ok. i take it back. that could<br />be very eloquent. i hope it's a good fight.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">breaking up</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">let's pretend we're bunny rabbits </span>by the magnetic fields<br />brilliant. ill-advised break up sex. lots of it. sample lyric:<br />"i can keep it up all night / i can keep it up all day / let's<br /> pretend we're bunny rabbits / until we pass away".<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">school ball</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;">guess the time</span></span> by king creosote<br />this song's only 1:08! i guess i'm not there for long. too busy being<br />protagonistic, i guess. [NB song not on spotify].<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">life's ok</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">asmarina (my asmara) </span>by mulatu astatke<br />of course everything's ok! there's ethiopian jazz playing! although, if<br />old mulatu is talking about asmara, he is presumably eritrean. either<br />way, it's a corking tune. and you should well listen to the rest of the<br />ethiopiques series of records. [NB this song isn't on spotify, so the play-<br />list i'm assembling will include an alternate mulatu astatke song].<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">mental breakdown</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">my wandering days are over</span> by belle & sebastian<br />that makes sense. i didn't live anywhere for longer than 18 months<br />until i was eleven. and then i lived in bangladesh for six years. i imagine<br />that if i do suffer a catastrophic mental collapse it will have something<br />to do with a sense of dislocation. but... *sniff*... don't worry about men.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">driving</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">perhaps vampires is a bit strong but... </span>by arctic monkeys<br />this works. not much to say about that fact. it's an alright song.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">flashback</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">she's the one </span>by the beta band<br />only one of the best songs ever to soundtrack MY nostalgic flashback.<br />it already sounds like a hallucinogenic dream sequence. soft focus please,<br />mr director. let child actor me pout!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">getting back together</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">dave the butcher</span> by tom waits<br />i can't help thinking that this doesn't augur well for the reconvened<br />relationship. it's a strange organ instrumental with banging of pots.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">wedding</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">i feel like the mother of world </span>by smog<br />"god is a word / and the argument ends there". i expect it shan't be a<br />church service, then. it's a lovely, lilting song that isn't on spotify... so<br />you should buy it. the album is called 'a river ain't too much to love'.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">birth of a child</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">buenos aires</span> by andrew lloyd webber (from evita)<br />no.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">final battle</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">bitch </span>by the rolling stones<br />amazzles. great stuff.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">death scene</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">buddy bradley </span>by adam green<br />some mid-tempo madness from ex-moldy peach. it's alright. but i'll<br />be dead so don't mind.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">funeral song</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">if i am a stranger </span>by ryan adams<br />"if i am a stranger now to you / i will always be". that works doesn't<br />it? i am a huge adams fan, but it seems to me that his best work is<br />behind him. at least while he stays happy. BORING.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">end credits</span>: <span style="font-style: italic;">cousins </span>by vampire weekend<br />i think this is the opening credits for 'the kids are alright'. worst bit<br />of the movie. but not cos of this song. this song is swell.<br /><br />while making the spotify playlist, i stumbled across <a href="http://open.spotify.com/album/2aQnvbKcjlFS6zrGtxe1Re">this</a>. i think i might<br />listen to this a lot. peru? really? brilliant.<br /></div>dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-50125821934874990552011-02-10T16:44:00.005+00:002011-02-10T17:54:13.849+00:00abort and adopt (a card game)a card game what i invented. with some help from my friend lewis and some refining from my friend evil. i invented it (with the above caveats) last summer when i was living in a warehouse (read "converted office") with eight or so people. so there was always someone with whom one could have a glass of wine with at night - and play cards.<br /><br />the game itself is a sort of poker variant (i've invented one in the past - the inimitable (and very stupid) "sloppy seconds": five card draw, two swaps (one with the pack, one to the left), you must swap two cards both times, twos are wild). if the previous parenthetical text is confusing, i'm sorry. you might not get the rest of this. i'm not going to explain poker here. just this version.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h0sePPdRkwg/TVQbYWfVcqI/AAAAAAAAAEk/qUaEmdcKGlc/s1600/abortandadopt.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-h0sePPdRkwg/TVQbYWfVcqI/AAAAAAAAAEk/qUaEmdcKGlc/s200/abortandadopt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572108744131965602" border="0" /></a><br />the game can be played by two or three players - either has its merits - but no more as there are not enough cards in the deck. (i believe that lewis has played with two decks and five players). each player has a five column layout as above... so that's one card in the first column, two in the second etc. KEY POINT: everyone forgets this, even when i tell them that everyone forgets it. you must make a poker hand (five cards) from all five columns. that's one from EACH column.<br /><br />play is as follows:<br /><ul><li>turn over the first card (column one). examine the state of play. if betting, round one of betting is now. betting is strictly unnecessary.<br /></li><li>pick up the next two cards (column two). place them back down, one face up.</li><li>examine the second column of the player to your left (the only other player if playing heads-up). choose one of them to be discarded, i.e. aborted. next round of betting.</li><li>third column. two face up. abortion. betting.<br /></li><li>fourth column. two face up. (this round is called the "victorian terrace" because it is two up, two down). abortion. betting.<br /></li><li>fifth column. three face up. abortion... and then... adoption. examine the third, fourth and fifth columns of the player to your right (also the only other player if heads up). take one of these cards and add it to one of your columns.</li><li>final round of betting. see who is the winner.</li></ul>now. that makes it sound <span style="font-weight: bold;">a lot</span> more complex than it is. once you've played a couple rounds you get it. but, crucially, it is very difficult to be good at. mainly because of the baffling proliferation of options as the rounds go on.<br /><br />if you do try it, let me know.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-10013616082437380302011-01-11T10:40:00.003+00:002011-01-11T11:07:19.476+00:00lungwidge.{apol reason="not posting"} deeply sorry {/apol}<br /><br />tuesdays are, i rediscover, to be concerned with language. i cannot think of much pertinent to write. i have resolved, therefore, in the interests of actually writing this damoclean thing before i go out to my meeting (which should result in news) to crowbar a plug for my preview shows via some tenuous discussion of language.<br /><br />to this end, i am including, in the definition of language, punctuation. i am deeply interested in punctuation. i'm not sure why. i'm sure also that you will have noticed my dogged insistence on a lack of capitalisation. there is no clear reason for it in most cases, imho. punctuation, on the other hand, is indispensible if one wants to be clearly understood. it follows that i love <a href="http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-carry-your-heart-with-me-2/">e. e. cummings</a>.<br /><br />the actual corollary is in performance: the pauses and beats of delivering speech on stage (or camera) are as punctuation. that is, essential to the meaning and intention of the piece.<br /><br />i invite you to come and judge the meaning and intention of my performance on the 18th of february if you are in london (<a href="http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=117657191640812&index=1#%21/event.php?eid=117657191640812">facebook event</a>, <a href="http://www.pleasance.co.uk/islington/events/penny-dreadfuls-double---bill">theatre website</a>), or the 27th if you are in bristol (no link yet). other dates will happen, but that's all i know for sure.<br /><br />it's a show where i discuss straight-to-dvd disney movies and heartbreak.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-37913520692077835342010-12-27T12:33:00.003+00:002010-12-27T13:04:24.914+00:00five months and a bit.that's how long it has been since i posted on this. that is, frankly, a bit of a disgrace. it is reconstructive surgery day (the day after boxing day... what? it'll catch on. you'll see) and i am seated on a seat in the family seat in t'yorkshire, groggy from the joy of cricket and its entailed late night drinking gin lime sodas.<br /><br />it's a monday. and my previous stricture has lain down music as the topic du jour. and so, i share with you a playlist (<a href="http://open.spotify.com/user/turlygod/playlist/3s0drn19J0qN1kMznFPR0V">spotify link</a>). it's called ODDER/WETTER and hopefully has a couple ting that you don't yet know. i made it while pootling about on spotify on the related artists bit. the starting point was the tallest man on earth (<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJfhaayOAy0">youtube link</a>), a swedish singer-songwriter with an early-dylan-shaped indentation in the part of the cerebral cortex responsible for english pronunciation. he is also an impressive enough folk guitar basher and in possession of the honour of being one of only two artists to which my wee brother has ever introduced me (the other is cold war kids). but the main thing about him is his wonderfully bonkers turns of phrase: <blockquote>i know the leak is going to tell you<br />there ain't now puppy in your leash<br />so now he'll fertilize the roses<br />so I could stay the king you see</blockquote>lovely.<br /><br />also, there's some first aid kit (swedish teenage sisters), slow club (sheffield folk) and scout niblett (nottingham miserabilist and bonnie prince billy acolyte). on which note, i got a phone call from my friend <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/profile/andyfield">andy</a> on a friday morning a couple of weeks ago. our mutual friend could not take up his ticket to all tomorrow's parties at butlins minehead and did i want a spot in the chalet at a knockdown price. yes. yes, i did.<br /><br />now. a festival at butlins that i didn't expect? pretty cool, yes? but wait a second. that's not all. all tomorrow's parties (for the uninitiated) is a festival curated by a single band. one band get to choose all the other artists on the bill and usually play a couple times themselves. this one was put together by godspeed you! black emperor. lots of people don't know who they are and subsequently don't find that exciting. but i do and did. they are easily my favourite miserable canadian post-rock band and they should be yours.<br /><br />much fun was had by all and i made some lovely new friends but the highlight was the fact that they'd picked weird al to close the main stage. ludicrous and beautiful. see you tomorrow.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-82218625424909987992010-08-02T10:37:00.002+01:002010-08-02T10:55:12.742+01:00back in the caledonian hinterlandgood morning. i am very excited to be back in edinburgh, prepping for shows. however, as it is a monday, i cannot talk too much about them. i have to focus on music, as per my previous category rule. briefly then, the shows i am, or might be, doing are as follows:<br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.pleasance.co.uk/edinburgh/events/the-penny-dreadfuls">the penny dreadfuls</a>, 18:00, pleasance one</li><li><a href="http://www.assemblyfestival.com/webpages/whatson_moreinfobooknow.php?id=3:57&date=2&#title">gutted: a revenger's musical</a>, 23:15, assembly ballroom</li><li>i am directing <a href="http://www.pleasance.co.uk/edinburgh/events/six-and-a-half-loves-by-terry-saunders">six and a half loves</a> by the redoubtable terry saunders, 15:15, pleasance beneath</li><li>i will be hosting <span style="font-style: italic;">tom:foolery</span>, the comedy night when only toms perform</li><li>i may do a solo show... <span style="font-style: italic;">thom tuck goes straight to dvd</span> - more info laters</li></ul>as it is a monday, i thought i would share with you my <a href="http://open.spotify.com/user/turlygod/playlist/2DYk4ye7d4vpaJSJ9NOVka">favourite playlist</a> off of from spotify what i made. i made it for a friend (<a href="http://www.andrewpugsley.com/home">andrew pugsley</a>) and all of the songs were recorded in the fifties. awesome much? yes. there is some elvis and cash and jerry lee lewis, but the fun proper gets going with professor longhair and his shuffling hungarians. yes. hungarians. shuffling. that is the name of professor longhair's band. it may well be the best song ever.<br /><br />i hope you enjoy it.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-52231380643699044012010-03-31T16:20:00.002+01:002010-03-31T16:47:18.680+01:00if you'd have known i were coming, you'd have baked a cakewednesday. and my pre-assigned topic is comedy. useful, as i have a gig to plug. not that anybody reads this. but when this night goes down in legend, there will be record of its happening that can be regarded as basically factual.<br /><br />the night in question will be in london (more's the pity) and, specifically, soho and, even more specifically, in the <a href="http://www.escapesoho.com">escape bar</a> on brewer street. it has to start on time (seven of the pm), cos the venue are being weird and have started advertising their (actually wildly enjoyable) trannyoke night as starting before we usually end. oh well. we're moving after this one.<br /><br />the night is called tom:foolery, and is an evening of entertainment where all said entertainment is provided by people called thomas. to date we have had the likes of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hu7aSEsC6g">tom stade</a>, tom parry off of pappy's fun club (he is julius in this <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcTX1mipI80&feature=related">clip</a>) and devastatingly attractive best newcomer 2007 <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxJAYXZvuHA">tom basden</a>. i am the resident tom:pere...<br /><br />the next one, though, is massive. we will have tom craine, tom deacon, tom price and the majestic tom wrigglesworth. and more toms than that. i shan't mention them all, as you'll get tom blindness. but on the seventh o' this month at seven pm, do make your way down to soho.<br /><br />PS, if you're called tom, you get in for a quid.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-1354999898762359562010-03-30T09:28:00.006+01:002010-03-30T10:28:15.312+01:00tuesday... what are they again?i have, along with the coterie (<a href="http://twitter.com/JitterbugBoy">d</a>, <a href="http://twitter.com/UncleKing">h</a>, <a href="http://twitter.com/splashypants">i</a> & <a href="http://twitter.com/notlikecalvin">n</a>) just got back from the caledonian hinterland. it was a reminder of many things about scotland. firstly, it's titting cold. secondly, i love it. thirdly, glasgow is the best gig you can ever do. seriously, well done glasgow. it's our fifth year at your lovely comedy festival and we'll be back.<br />the title of this post refers to the fact i have failed to update this blog six times a week (!) as i thought i would do. and consequently, i have forgotten what tuesdays are supposed to be.<br /><br />*quickly checks<br /><br />ah, yes. language. further to the last post, i thought i'd share a love of mine. many of the people who know me will have been subjected, at some point or another, to some caterwauling in spanish. i have, for some time, been mildly obsessed with ricky martin. now, i've only got three ricky albums (that's a small number isn't it? a small number). my favourite things on these miesterworks are the spanish language versions of songs that were hits in english.<br /><blockquote>y en un rincón, caímos juntos<br />en un rito de pasión<br />y al tocar su pielsenti el calor<br />yo puse el deseo, ella puso el control,<br />she bangs, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Es_sJGP8ZOE">she bangs</a></blockquote>she does, it would appear, bang. there's no real accounting for the fact i like this. the rest of my record collection is primarily white guys with white guitars. not that i'm proud of that, but it's true. if they've never done a dylan cover, then they probably don't figure highly in my most played artists...<br /><br />i have sung these songs in spanish at karaoke, at <a href="http://www.martylog.com/karaokecircus/index.html">karaoke circus</a> and on my own while walking down hackney streets at night. they're proper good. but at least half of their appeal for me is the spanish language. they remind me that i have the ability to understand what someone speaking FOREIGN is saying. nuts. plus, the lyrics are often beyond stupid.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/S7HD98Wz_UI/AAAAAAAAAEE/X_7427sAfbE/s1600/rickyedited.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 86px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/S7HD98Wz_UI/AAAAAAAAAEE/X_7427sAfbE/s200/rickyedited.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5454356092663627074" border="0" /></a><br />a case in point is the spanish version of <span style="font-style: italic;">livin' la vida loca</span> (on other counts an exceptionally good song) where credulity stretches to breaking point.<br /><blockquote>la reina de la noche<br />la diosa del vudú<br />yo no podré salvarme<br />¿podrás salvarte tú?<br />la tela de la araña,<br />la uña del dragón<br />te lleva a los infiernos<br />ella es tu adicción...<br />te besa y te desnudo<br />con tu baile demencial...</blockquote><br />it starts soberly enough with reference to the "queen of the night" (prescient, much?) and a "goddess of voodoo". so far, so silly. "i can't save myself" opines our ricky but wonders whether you could save yourself. then it really gets going... "the web of the spider, the nail of the dragon". we presume this is some sort of voodoo recipe, but it's never really explained. skip a bit about hell and we get to "te besa y te desnudo"... she kisses you and strips you. does she? ok. i don't remember that in the english. and then you're doing a "baile demencial" (an insane dance). just brilliant.<br /><br />in all seriousness, though, good on him for coming out. it's been an open secret for years. i know a fella who overhead ricky martin bitching that george michael had stolen his boyfriend (this was back in 2001) so i've known since then. but i think we all knew.<br /><br />but now you know that i love ricky martin.<br /><blockquote></blockquote>dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-11695229846305312282010-02-09T13:41:00.004+00:002010-02-09T14:02:16.426+00:00language ii (and apology)sorry. that's the apology bit done.<br /><br />i speak, as the more e-agle eyed amongst you will have noticed, basic english. it is not even that much of an effort for me. it just sort of slips out. i have a thought and in no time at all it is sliding through my brain flume into the world on an english language lilo.<br /><br />sorry. that's a new apology for the dreadful extended metaphor above.<br /><br />in addition to this i can speak spanish. i learnt it, as one does, at an american school in bangladesh. my teachers were all native speakers: colombian, peruvian, mexican. and i got quite good - i was technically two years ahead of syllabus. but i was nowhere near being the best in the class. that particular honour went to the spectacularly bemonikered maurice ogaick, canadian, best swimmer in the team and all round good egg. he had initially learnt his español in argentina and we all sought to copy him as much as possible. well. i did.<br /><br />so much so that when i returned to yorkshire for year eleven (tenth grade US readers (upper fifth posh readers (fourth year scottish readers))) and GCSE spanish, i was told that i had a distinct argentinian accent by the teaching assistant from sevilla. thanks, mo. as a sort of side note, i've always been pretty good at accents, both in a comedic sense and otherwise. to be taken seriously with a silly accent, here's a tip: rip the piss with a serious face. it worked when i was learning japanese.<br /><br />my point is, i think, that the level of language teaching in this country is devastatingly poor. when i arrived back from teh abroadz, i sat at the back of top set spanish. when i was asked a question in spanish, i replied... in spanish. the <span style="font-weight: bold;">entire</span> class turned around to look at me with a mixture of amazement and disgust. i shut up pretty quick, sat at the back for a year getting worse at spanish and ended up with an A*. tut.<br /><br />when i did a-level, i was so out of practice and my teacher so spectacularly rubbish i sort of lost interest until i got a job on the basis that i could speak spanish. it turned out i still could. no thanks to anyone in this country.<br /><br />last thing... i've always thought that i'd love to have bilingual kids. but, chuck doesn't speak another language so it'd have to be me barking at the little one in pidgin spanish. not an edifying thought. hey, at least he'd have an argentinian accent.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-51092080978768886402010-01-08T16:55:00.003+00:002010-01-08T17:36:40.032+00:00musicsafter the lovely <a href="http://www.wateracre.co.uk/2010/01/toms-highly-unscientific-top-ten-of.html">wateracre</a> (of whom more when the next tom:foolery gigs start!) and further to my last music post, i don't really have an album of the year for oh nine. so i've decided, like him, to look at the stats. not as simple as it appears, really, as there is not really a huge amount of data. but, according to my iTunes most played AND released in oh nine, here is a list:<br /><ol><li>bruises - <span style="font-style: italic;">chairlift</span></li><li>one night in october - <span style="font-style: italic;">little comets</span></li><li>always like this - <span style="font-style: italic;">bombay bicycle club</span></li><li>jiggery pokery - <span style="font-style: italic;">the duckworth lewis method</span></li><li>you're not coming home tonight - <span style="font-style: italic;">first aid kit</span></li></ol>now, in terms of <span style="font-style: italic;">albums</span> of the year... only one qualifies. i haven't listened to the chairlift album, but <a href="http://twitter.com/uncleking">humphrey dreadful</a> says it is poor. neither have i listened to the first aid kit or bombay bicycle club albums. i don't know why. and i haven't listened to the little comets album because it doesn't exist yet. (i am SO ahead of some curves). so by default, my album of the year is <a href="http://www.myspace.com/dlmethod">the duckworth lewis method</a>.<br /><br />but. i didn't listen to it that much. if we have a look at my stats for top five listened to tracks since we got this computer (in oh nine), none of them were released last year...<br /><ol><li>the world's greatest - an incredible cover of an r kelly song (who incidentally has just come on my spotify... eerie) by the god that is <span style="font-style: italic;">bonnie 'prince' billy</span>.</li><li>hook - <span style="font-style: italic;">blues traveler</span></li><li>let's dance<span style="font-style: italic;"> - david bowie</span></li><li>only wanna be with you<span style="font-style: italic;"> - hootie and the blowfish </span>(shut up!)</li><li>alone again or<span style="font-style: italic;"> - love</span></li></ol>all wonderful songs. so, in search of more data, i went to my last.fm profile page. this includes music that i've listened to on spotify:<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span><ol><li>dancing in the dark - bruce springsteen</li><li>standing in the way of control - the gossip</li><li>hook - blues traveler</li><li>does this ean you're moving on? - the airborne toxic event</li><li>frankie and albert - taj mahal</li></ol>once again, not many of them were released in oh nine. in fact, only one: the airborne toxic event (which was released in the uk in january, but in america before that). it is, though, a phenomenal album. a lot of critics were super sniffy about it, saying they'd learnt the lessons of the strokes and arcade fire too well. well, give a fuck. it's a good record. and easily my favourite of the year. it's just odd that not a single album in the eleven months after january made an impact. here's a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P96xUt9HCTU">video of them</a> performing one of the tracks acoustically. weirdly, it sounds a lot like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5XsDMXFPAI">this bob seger track</a> to me. and if you've never heard bob seger, get a grip.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-64958799259405771282010-01-03T09:19:00.004+00:002010-01-04T09:35:39.550+00:00대역폭so. this is the second part of my essay. part one is <a href="http://deartheinterwebs.blogspot.com/search/label/essay">here</a>. i have no doubt that this is confusing and probably unsound thinking, but i want to write a book in the end. so i best get some sentences down.<br /><br />i'd like to have a crack at the concept of bandwidth: not as in computers and the internet specifically, although that is a useful example. what i mean when i say bandwidth (and it's not my terminology, but i can't remember whose it is - which is ironic if you know the direction this essay eventually goes in) is the quality of information transfer...<br /><br />it is about systems. and transfer of information in between. if you think of morse code it's likely to be among the simpler forms of communication we've got: a set of beeps stands for a word. on either end of the wire there is, hopefully, a person. inside this person is a veritable swirl of information: thoughts, memories and hopes. so... we have two systems connected via a very simple connection. this is two <span style="font-weight: bold;">high bandwidth </span>systems with a <span style="font-weight: bold;">low bandwidth </span>connection. it is my contention that interesting things occur, that is, we can learn most about systems, where the bandwidth is restricted.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-46146610101186884302010-01-02T09:59:00.003+00:002010-01-02T10:15:47.107+00:00bloodcertain photographs of yourself can set up camp in your brain. they stand for moments, thoughts and images.<br /><br />while at university, i was heavily involved in the <a href="http://www.bedlamtheatre.co.uk/">bedlam theatre</a>. it's a fantastic place. due to a series of coincidences and contingencies, i was only really cast in comic roles. i wasn't unduly stressed by this, as i enjoy being funny. but, i did (and do) harbour ambitions as a <span style="font-weight: bold;">real</span> actor. my opportunity came about when an ex-girlfriend cast me as jesus. which isn't as twisted as it sounds. cj is (and always was) <a href="http://www.artforeating.co.uk/">an artist</a> and the show was an (overlong in retrospect) version of the york cycle of the mystery plays.<blockquote>eli, eli lema sabacthani</blockquote>the show was good, and the crucifixion exceptionally bloody. i released four different bodily fluids onto the stage every performance (sweat, spit, tears and vomit). one day, i came offstage after being up on the cross and was snapped by david. i think it was the last night of the show and we had used all the blood we had left.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/Sz8cX79nrWI/AAAAAAAAAD0/u7ELQzgTmtU/s1600-h/n61008394_30291680_8962.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/Sz8cX79nrWI/AAAAAAAAAD0/u7ELQzgTmtU/s200/n61008394_30291680_8962.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5422083673936080226" border="0" /></a>when i look back at the photo, i smile. it stands for the moment i was allowed to do a bit of acting at last, and for the six years i spent in edinburgh in general. but most of all, i think i look cool.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-57139238008056184192010-01-02T00:18:00.001+00:002010-01-02T00:47:04.431+00:00em em exjust a quick one. not really together enough to write a full post. apologies! first thing in the morning, though.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-75457896663110789352009-12-31T13:23:00.005+00:002009-12-31T14:56:58.871+00:00/mædʒɪk/deep breath. this is about to out me as the mega-geek i truly am. the game i should like to discuss is <span style="font-style: italic;">magic: the gathering</span>. yeah. i know, even <span style="font-style: italic;">dungeons & dragons</span> dweebs look down on c.c.g. (collectible card game) players like me. in fairness, i don't think i've had a game in over two years. and i haven't bought cards for a while either (although david dreadful got me some for my birthday). but i do love it. really, really, really love it.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/SzyoesqiMXI/AAAAAAAAADs/TS0IGevkYm4/s1600-h/alpha%2Bserra%2Bangel.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 139px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/SzyoesqiMXI/AAAAAAAAADs/TS0IGevkYm4/s200/alpha%2Bserra%2Bangel.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421393296786338162" border="0" /></a>i possess a folder with hundreds of articles on <a href="http://www.classicdojo.org/">magic theory</a>. yes. magic theory. i also had <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Magic-Gathering-Advanced-Official-Strategy/dp/1566865034/ref=sr_1_50?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262266877&sr=1-50">this book</a>. i lent it to some bastard who never gave it back; it's fifty quid new now. suffice it to say, i know what sligh means, and how to counter its weenie aggro. i can stay ahead of the mana curve, build a necro deck or furnish you with the precepts of the weissman school. ah, the weissman school. but, first, an intro is necessary.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">magic</span> is a game where two (more can play, but it's shit that way) people make their own deck of cards from the thousands available and play against each other. this is the best bit: sitting on your own (ALERT: INSIGHT INTO CHILDHOOD!) and coming up with a strategy based on the cards available to you. crucially, you don't have to have the best cards to have the best deck. i have never had a copy of the card generally regarded (at least if price means anything) as the greatest in the game: black lotus. neither have i ever had a mox. or any of the other restriced cards. a quick google reveals that they have, in the past, been known as <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Power_Nine">the power nine</a>. but, i think i might be getting ahead of myself...<br /><br />there are various kinds of cards that do different things, but the chief aim is to reduce the opponent's score from twenty to zero. one does this by getting land cards (which will normally make up just under half of your deck) and using the power this gives you to cast spells of a particular colour. the first decision you generally have to make is what colour you should like to play with: white, blue, black, red or green. each has its relative strengths and weaknesses (or in green's case, just weaknesses. SLAM! take that, green! i am such a dork). you may play with more than one colour, thereby harnessing multiple strengths but laying yourself open to the possibility of not being able to use them - as each colour depends on a specific type of land being present.<br /><br />i know that's a very quick rush through the rules, but it's my blog and i want to get onto the interesting shit. most players, when they first play the game, will opt for the simplest strategy: creatures. (the image that appears above is of the lovely <span style="font-style: italic;">serra angel</span>, an example of a particular white creature - white cards require a particular land (plains) and their speciality is, in general, defence). this strategy is: get creatures on the board; use them to hit the other player.<br /><br />that never interested me. i fell for the high concept weissman school wherein you do everything in your power to stop the other player doing anything, and then send over a single serra angel to kill them. it is immensely satisfying to play with and intensely irritating to play against. it relies on a principle called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Card_advantage">card advantage</a>. this is, roughly speaking, trying to gain an edge on your opponent by getting more cards or, crucially, by taking multiple cards of theirs out of play with just one of your own. for instance, there's a card which allows you to draw an extra card every so often (there are a few - i'm thinking of the jayemdae tome... god, i am awful). the more cards you see, the greater the chances of you having the one you need to beat the opponent. also, if i use a card that says destroy all creatures, i'm using one card to deal with (potentially) loads of the opponent's cards. in addition, if i have no creatures myself, i'm at an even greater advantage.<br /><br />i've realised i've probably said too much already. but... does anyone fancy a game?dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-89626418445205072502009-12-31T10:00:00.005+00:002009-12-31T10:44:41.723+00:00こんにちはback round to thursday! very exciting. i've never managed to keep a blog up-to-date for a week before. which is fairly damning, i realise. it's back to games, then. haven't yet decided what the games will be that i shall discuss. during the meanwhilst* i shall tell a story that my brother told me last night.<br /><br />as a preface, i'll give you the story that prompted his response. it was glastonbury (2005 think) and i, and the other <a href="http://www.pennydreadfuls.co.uk/">dreadfuls</a>, was being paid to be there. we were promoting <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/Wild-Animus-Rich-Shapero/dp/0971880107/ref=sr_1_1/278-5669318-4461743?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262254606&sr=8-1">a truly dreadful book</a> and were staying behind the circus tent. <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/SzyAcOLBRJI/AAAAAAAAADk/176qMwcb1n0/s1600-h/Courvoisier-VSOP-lg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 154px; height: 200px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_luRObbAgHHA/SzyAcOLBRJI/AAAAAAAAADk/176qMwcb1n0/s200/Courvoisier-VSOP-lg.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5421349273776243858" border="0" /></a>i had decided that we definitely should go and see the wonderful <a href="http://www.thegoteam.co.uk/flash/News.html">go! team</a> at the john peel stage. but, noone would come. so i got a little bit hammered and went on my own. on the way i took something illicit that would make me dance and met a man selling booze from a plank by the side of the path. very, very cheaply. i bought a bottle of courvoisier for a tenner: a good deal in anyone's book. but, then i had a revelation: i'm about to be chemically induced to dance and the shape of this bottle is... um... reminiscent of a cudgel. i realised it was perhaps not the best idea to boogie quite as much as i was going to with a weapon in my hand. so i also had to buy a manbag on the way. which was fine. because i had this bottle of brandy, i made lots of new friends. one of these offered me something and i took it and woke up in the hospital tent.<br /><br />my brother's story is quicker and funnier: he was at some festival and woke up in his tent in the morning on top of his sleeping bag, completely naked. he asked his tentmate (male) what had happened. apparently they had been walking back to their camp and the bro had spotted a bathtub that had filled up with rainwater. so he had a bath.<br /><br />i'll be back later with a game.<br />= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =<br />*points awarded for the reference.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-7446043148872636732009-12-30T08:37:00.004+00:002009-12-30T09:07:32.295+00:00κωμῳδίαwednesday will definitely be comedy day. i work (sorry, "work") in comedy. as a consequence i have lots of reasonably strong opinions. but i have decided that i will not be voicing half of them - the negative half. there isn't really much point in doing so and i'm very sick of the mcintyre jealousy. so, i shall be telling you about comedy wot i like.<br /><br />the best show i saw at the edinburgh festival this year (and i only know of one other show that any of my friends thought was best) was <span style="font-style: italic;">nitwit</span> by <a href="http://teamwonderful.co.uk/">william andrews</a>, a man i am lucky enough to know reasonably well. it was billed as a one-man sketch show, but in truth it was a great deal more than that. many of the scenes had real emotional truth and all of them were super funny. i had just read <span style="font-style: italic;">born standing up</span>, steve martin's autobiography, and the show really put me in mind of its author's determination to let people decide for themselves. a couple quotes (from martin) about his work that i think apply to will:<br /><br /><blockquote>“<span>i was seeking comic originality, and fame fell on me as a by-product. the course was more plodding than heroic: i did not strive valiantly against doubters but took incremental steps with a few intuitive leaps.”</span></blockquote>he had an... um... unfortunate time at the festival. all the reviewers came on the same day when his (massively tech-heavy) show went wrong... so people didn't find out about how wonderful the show could be. he is supposed to be doing a show this year, but his resolve his weakening. i hope that he continues down the path...<br /><br /><blockquote>“<span>another rule was to make the audience believe i was fantastic, that my confidence could not be shattered. they had to believe that i didn’t care if they laughed at all, and that this act was going on with or without them.”</span></blockquote>...of comedy righteousness. his reward will be great in comedy heaven.dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-693396058443123799.post-88127835271664901392009-12-29T23:23:00.003+00:002009-12-30T00:24:10.958+00:00/læŋgwɪʤ/hullo interwebs. forgive me if my spelling is poor or i am prolix. i'm a bottle of wine in.<br /><br />sorry this is late. i, along with the rest of clan tuck, have been celebrating pater's birthday. compounding my tardiness is indecision about what i should write. i put out the call on twitter which also updates my facebook status, and got a number of replies. i thought, in the spirit of interaction, i'd do them quickly first.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1. food, obviously</span><br />this suggestion comes courtesy of helen. thanks, <a href="http://www.helenhare.net/food/">helen</a>. i'm a massive foodie. (i suppose that's a way of saying i'm fat - but i don't just like any old bollocks). i do most of the cooking for my girlfriend and me, and enjoy it massively. i think anyone who doesn't has got too much money or too little sense.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2. me?</span><br />this came from mr tom lorcan ne barber. what would i write about him? how much of a SLAG he is? i think not.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">3. hats. because hats rock.</span><br />they do indeed. i have many, many hats. i've been told that my first hat i stole from a shop in kandy (sri lanka) and my mum had to go back and pay for it. i strongly believe that my idiosyncratic hat choices got me elected as president of my sixth form college as well as "most unpredictable male" in high school. my hats have, sadly, been toned down a wee bit since the vastly garish nepali felt things i used to wear, but they remain very important to me.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">4. theatre? an interesting memory? art?</span><br />from <a href="http://www.twitter.com/lozopus">@lozopus</a> on das twitters. i will take them v quickly as there are three. theatre? best show i've ever seen is <span style="font-style: italic;">the trackers of oxyrhynchus</span> by tony harrison at the west yorkshire playhouse by northern broadsides (my favourite company. probably.). an interesting memory? my mother didn't believe i had pneumonia; she told me to shut up and go back to bed. art? ah! this draws all three together. my first theatre piece since leaving school (where i had written two) was called <span style="font-style: italic;">one more layer of skin</span> (five points for the song from which that's a quote) and was about art.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">5. </span><span style="font-weight: bold;" class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">super random stuff<br /></span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content">fish fish eight remote fish leprechaun yellow alan, ALAN, ALAAAAN. the crab has lost. one two three wisky.</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;" class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><br /><br />6. what i meant to write about</span></span><span class="status-body"><span class="entry-content"><br />ok. so i meant to write about language. i only really had three things to say: a joke that doesn't quite work; a question; and a theory.<br /><br />the joke is roughly thus: i went to florence. i didn't have enough money to get there, though. so i did jobs for people who would give me lifts. i was working myself into firenze. the reason for the joke is that when my girlfriend went to copenhagen recently (yes. for that.) i told her that it was actually called københavn, because i am a prick and i happened to have lived there. she said it didn't matter. and we couldn't quite come to an amicable conclusion but i think the joke makes the point well. firenze means the floral (or flourishing) city and, so, florence is a fair enough name. but copenhagen is just an ignorant mispronunciation; we make fun of americans who say EDinBURRG... so the question is thus: am i being a douche?<br /></span></span>dear the interwebs,http://www.blogger.com/profile/09006965835845607772noreply@blogger.com1